Expectation and disappointment

There is an old saying that goes:
"The one that sows expectation will harvest disappointment"

From my experiences, relatives live with it constantly: expectation and hope that the addict will become sober or drug-free, and they get disappointed over and over again.

An expectation might be that this was hopefully the last time... Now he/she will finally realize the seriousness of the situation an quit... Now he/she might realize what damage the drug/alcohol causes... He/she has managed to be clean several weeks now, this time it might last... Expectations and then, not too uncommon when it comes to people with some kind of addiction, disappointment follows...

Do relatives have too high expectations? Or not enough knowledge about addiction and substance abuse? Or do they live by the belief that people make logical decisions? Or believe that love can conquer all? What do you think?

And if the addict finally becomes sober and drug-free, it is not uncommon that there is a new disappointment. After being put as number 3 in many years, when the drug was number 1, the addict number 2, and the addict finally overcomes their addiction, many relatives expect to get to be number 1. Finally the alcohol is no longer ruining the family. But my colleague Totte, who has been sober and drug-free for many years, says that also this is an expectation that leads to disappointment. Because after getting clean, it is the sobriety that becomes number 1. And to work on willpower, feelings and the addiction will in the beginning take all of the addict's time and energy.
That was a little nicer rewriting of what Totte says. He actually said this: "Do you think that you'll be number 1 just because the person is sober. Forget that! You will not become number 1 then either, because the sobriety will instead."

How can relatives respond to this? What can you do or think to protect yourself from disappointments? What do you think? Write in the comments!

Written on a hot day on Bali. I'm sending sunshine to you!
/Carina


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