Do you want to help?

I want to thank all the wonderful readers of my blog!

I really hope that my intentions of the blog have reached those who follow it.

I have a lot of hopes that my blog will help as many as possible. My goal is that important information will be spread and that relatives to people with alcohol- or drug addiction will find comfort, inspiration, courage and support. 

If you're able to help me spreading my blog, I would be thankful with all my heart! This is what you can do: 

1) Help me share the blog through social networks such as Facebook, Twitter, forums etc.

2) Maybe you have an own blog with readers who might need help or support? Maybe you have a similar blog or homepage? Feel free to contact me, maybe I can help you spread your blog as well to people who need it!

3) Be a guest writer! Tell your own story, either about being a relative to a person suffering from addiction, or about your own thoughts on the subject. Send me an e-mail at info@carinabang.se with your story. The post shouldn't be to long and contain thoughts/insights/experiences in order to help other people reading the blog. Note. If you send me a post, I reserve the rights to shorten and edit it. 


And again, a big thanks to all my readers! :)
/Carina

Positive vs. Negative Feedback

Many people are unhappy because his/her boss or partner or other people "never" give them any positive feedback. Most people feel bad about this and begin to wonder whether they only do things that are wrong, or if they're not good enough. It's obviously disappointing not getting confirmation either at work or in private life. Affirmation and recognition would really turn a boring day into a fun day!   

However, the question is, how often do we give ourselves positive feedback? See our own strengths? Acknowledge our own achievements? You don't need to talk about it out loud if you don't want to. You can think about it, or best of all, write it down.  

The truth is that most of us are not very good at giving ourselves positive feedback. However, we are very good at giving ourselves negative criticism. There is a saying that for every negative critical comment we need ten positive comments to outweigh the negative.

It is as if we got a nagging parrot sitting on our shoulder, constantly pestering us. 

"I can never manage that", "I'm so stupid, how could I do that?", "Who do I think I am, that's not my thing," "he/she will never like someone like me".

Our negative criticism towards ourselves can easily become self-fulfilling. If you constantly believe that you can't achieve anything, it may sad enough become true. 

If you feel as you've got a negative parrot on your shoulder and if you feel as you've not yet begun to see and articulate your own strengths, start doing it now! Please write down your achievements every day: what you've done / said / felt / thought / handled / fixed during the day that you're proud of/ happy with. At the end of the week, read what you've written and recognize all your strengths! This is a feel-good exercise that will hopefully help you. Allow yourself to flourish! :)

Do you know someone else who needs to think more positive thoughts about themselves? Share a comment below! 

Have a great day!

To check every day

How are you feeling today?
How does your body and mind feel?
What can you do today, in order to satisfy your needs?
Is there any steps that you can take today, in order to satisfy your needs tomorrow? 

Take care!

To break free

The fluctuation between heat and cold and love and aggression is very common in a relationship involving mental or physical abuse. The alternation of intoxication, denial, irritation and blaming their relatives, and then feeling regret, apologizing and making amends is very common among addicts. This "storm" of emotions may result in that you as a relative, along with hopes that everything will soon be well, often feel like it's hard getting out of the relationship.

Below are some examples of emotions involved in such a relationship, often resulting in a situation where you're "stuck": 

Love 
You love your partner, and you're also aware of all his/her positive sides.  
 
Fear
Fear of being alone. Fear that the person will not survive if you leave him/ her. Fear that he/she will find someone else instead. Fear of not being able to cope financially. Fear of being subjected to threats, aggression or violence for leaving.

Hate
Hatred may surprisingly also be a band connecting people. You may become fixed on the person who is the object of hatred. This may lead to a great difficulty letting go. 

Compassion
You may find it hard understanding how a person you love can be so mean. Then you might try finding answers, for example, that the person had a difficult childhood, a life crisis, is unemployed and so on. These "answers" allows you to overlook behaviors that you probably would not have accepted in a relationship with other friends/family.

Guilt
This is a strong feeling. As a relative to a person with an addiction you may feel a great responsibility for the welfare of others in the family. Maybe you often put the need of others before your own. The person with an addiction might even blame their relatives (ex. "If you weren't so angry, I wouldn't have to drink"). 

Hope
Maybe you're trying to remember what was so nice and amazing when you first started dating the person. The abuser might be remorseful, promising that it will not happen again. And the relatives really want to believe. One might convulsively cling on to hopes and promises.  

The desire to understand
You want to understand why. To understand why the person always breakes his/her promises or becomes aggressive and mean. And again, you begin trying to find answers. Maybe you're trying to come up with a plan for how you can change or improve your relationship.

From the book "Hur går hon? Om att stödja misshandlade kvinnors uppbrottsprocesser" (Transl. Why does she leave? About supporting the break-up processes of battered women) by Viveca Enander and Carin Holmberg.


It may be a good idea to seek help if you recognize yourself in this description. You're not alone and there are people who understand you and can help you!