Set your limit!

For families, it is easy to push their limits in favor of the other person that suffers from psychological problems. Little by little we begin to compromise on things that are important to us, things that make us feel good, to instead take care of the person who drinks or takes drugs. He/she can’t take care of himself. We take on more responsibility and heavier burdens for the convenience of the addict. Eventually, we are in a situation where we accept things we never thought we would accept. And also in a situation where we maybe are just extremely tired and worn out, because apart from our own responsibilities we already have, we've also taken on the responsibility of another grown up persons life.

It’s not uncommon that you as a family member also take lots of different roles that are really professional occupations. Perhaps we act as police officers, nurses, psychologists and financial managers. In the end, we can’t take it anymore. Many times the question pops up: How long can I have it like this? When is it enough?

Clear communication

Today I've been thinking about communication. How do you talk and discuss addiction with a person with addiction and substance abuse problems?

After conversations with relatives, I have noticed that many stop to mention alcohol or drugs by their names in their communication with the abuser. It creates ambiguity, misunderstandings and promotes denial from both the addict and the loved one. Perhaps the loved one says, "You seem tired today, I don't want to have dinner with you when you are so tired and sluggish." Instead of clearly saying, "I don’t want to have dinner with you when you have been drinking. I like to eat dinner with you when you're sober." The signal to the addict in the first expression is that he/she seems out of sorts and has to be alert if there shall be any dinner. It does not have anything to do with the alcohol at all.

To dare to express own opinions, thoughts and feelings can help one start to feel better.

All the best to you!

/Carina

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Being brought up in families with alcohol and drug addiction. Survey.

On a forum in Sweden for relatives to substance abusers my collegue Ann-Charlotte Johansson and I  carried out a survey with some interesting results.

Here is a summary, (this was not a scientific survey, but still shows significant signals). 80 people have responded to the survey, mainly women. 44 people of the respondents grew up in a family where one parent or both parents had alcohol or drug problems.

* 44 people say they have grown up with parents with substance abuse including alcohol problems (37 people), alcohol + drug problems (4 people), drugs (1 person), alcohol and medical drugs (2 people).

* 40 of the 44 people say they as children experienced discomfort, fear and threat in situations where parents drank or took other substances. 14 of them responded that they were subjected to violence as a child in connection with the adults' alcohol or drug intake. 25 people say that when they were children they saw others being victims of violence during situations where someone was intoxicated, and that the violence was mostly directed against the mother. In some cases, the violence was also directed against siblings and in 2 cases against the father.

Welcome!

Welcome dear reader!

Today, September 1 2012, I am starting this blog! It will focus on a topic that is very dear to me. The families and relatives affected by someone else´s alcohol or drug problems.

The contents will focus on information, support and self-help exercises for people who live close to someone with an addiction problem.

You can already click to follow this blog and then you will automatically be updated to you from the start! Welcome to join!

See you soon!
/ Carina