Set your limit!

For families, it is easy to push their limits in favor of the other person that suffers from psychological problems. Little by little we begin to compromise on things that are important to us, things that make us feel good, to instead take care of the person who drinks or takes drugs. He/she can’t take care of himself. We take on more responsibility and heavier burdens for the convenience of the addict. Eventually, we are in a situation where we accept things we never thought we would accept. And also in a situation where we maybe are just extremely tired and worn out, because apart from our own responsibilities we already have, we've also taken on the responsibility of another grown up persons life.

It’s not uncommon that you as a family member also take lots of different roles that are really professional occupations. Perhaps we act as police officers, nurses, psychologists and financial managers. In the end, we can’t take it anymore. Many times the question pops up: How long can I have it like this? When is it enough?

We can set the limit. It is highly individual. There is no right and wrong and no "I ought to sacrifice my time for this person." You must feel deep in your heart and your body. Where is my limit? When is it time for me to say no and prioritize my own needs?

Here are some questions that might help. Note that we often don’t just take responsibility for the addict, but also often in the workplace, family life, etc.

*Do you do certain things right now that actually is someone else's responsibility?

*Are there things you would like to say no to? (And in return be able to say yes to another)

*Are there any obligations/responsibilities you have taken on that you can return where they belong, delegate away or simply cross out?

*Are there limits you absolutely do not want to compromise on? Who are they? How do you embrace them?

*Have you taken professional roles that should really be handled by people who work and get paid for it?
*Are there things you decide here and now to prioritize away?
*Are there other things you'd rather spend your time and energy on?

Although we moved the boundaries this far, it's never too late to set the limits now. We may any day begin to set limits. Just because we accepted a thing before does not mean we have to accept them forever.

Until next time, take care!

/Carina

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