Think about how you feel after different situations arise in your relationship with your relative with addiction problems. Put a mark on the scale that tells how you were affected by that situation. From your mapping you can then create your guidelines to influence the relationship so that it becomes manageable for you!
To meet the relative when they are under the influence:
Feels good! Feels awful!
+ 10 – 9 – 8 – 7 – 6 – 5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1 – 0 – 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5
– 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – -10
To meet the relative when they are sober/clean:
+ 10 – 9 – 8 – 7 – 6 – 5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1 – 0 – 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5
– 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – -10
To talk to the person on the phone when they are under the influence:
+ 10 – 9 – 8 – 7 – 6 – 5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1 – 0 – 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5
– 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – -10
To talk to the person on the phone when they are sober/clean:
+ 10 – 9 – 8 – 7 – 6 – 5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1 – 0 – 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5
– 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – -10
When you have the phone on during the night in case they'll call:
+ 10 – 9 – 8 – 7 – 6 – 5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1 – 0 – 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5
– 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – -10
To read texts the person wrote to you:
+ 10 – 9 – 8 – 7 – 6 – 5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1 – 0 – 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5
– 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – -10
To follow up what the person does by asking friends, updates on facebook and so on:
+ 10 – 9 – 8 – 7 – 6 – 5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1 – 0 – 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5
– 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – -10
To talk about some topics with the person (What topics?.....................................………)
+ 10 – 9 – 8 – 7 – 6 – 5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1 – 0 – 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5
– 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – -10
Other situation where my wellbeing is affected by the relationship to my relative……………………..
+ 10 – 9 – 8 – 7 – 6 – 5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1 – 0 – 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5
– 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – -10
Other situation where my wellbeing is affected by the relationship to my relative……………………..
+ 10 – 9 – 8 – 7 – 6 – 5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1 – 0 – 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5
– 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – -10
Based on what conclusion you came to in your own evalu-
ation, how do you want the continued contact to be so that
you can protect yourself from what hurts the most?
ation, how do you want the continued contact to be so that
you can protect yourself from what hurts the most?
My guidelines for the relationship:
For me to feel good, my relationship needs to be like this:
(How often, in what way, what will the relationship contain?)
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What will I do to make sure I stick to my guidelines?
________________________________________________________________
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Good luck!
/Carina
