Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Food for thought


Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Mindfulness. FOR YOU.


Mindfulness is about accepting yourself, your body and your emotions. It's about recognizing your inner self. Remember, nothing you do, feel or think about in mindfulness is in any way wrong. Instead, it's about knowing that there is no right or wrong. This is a short exercise you might try at home, and a couple of things you can have in mind while doing it. If you want to do it, that is. Only you can decide.

1. Start with five minutes. 
Or more. Or less. It's all up to you. Maybe you can do it for 10 minutes the next day. Or 30. Or 60. Remember, you decide. We all work differently. 

   
2. Try and go to a space where it's quiet and you're all alone.
Lay down on your back and close your eyes. Some people like to lay flat on the ground. Some people want a pillow. Some people want it some other way. You decide.  

When you lay down, be proud that you took the time and that you came this far. 


3.  Try and feel every sense of your BODY. 
No feelings are wrong!

Maybe you can start with your toes. Or your head.
How do your toes feel like?
Tense? Relaxed? Warm? Cold?  
Okay. That's fine. 
Move your mind to your legs.
How do they feel? 
Your midriff? Stomach? Chest? Arms? Hands? Neck? Head? Ears?

How does the parts of your body feel against the surface of the floor?
How does the floor feel?

If you can, don't try and analyze the feelings. Accept that they are there.
"My nose is freezing. It's there and I feel it. It's okay".  

Do you feel any pain in your body?
If you do, recognize, accept it and move on to another part of your body.
"My back hurts. It feels tense. It's there and I feel it. It's okay".   

Be proud over yourself for all the feelings you recognize!


4. Try and feel every sense of your EMOTIONS.
Do you feel sad? Anxious? Angry? Hurt? Distressed? Happy? Calm?
No feelings are wrong!

Accept that they are there, move your mind to another part of your body, soul or surroundings.
"I feel very sad and hopeless. Nothing is worth doing. But it's okay. The feeling is inside me and I except it for being one of my feelings".

Be proud over yourself for all the feelings you recognize!


4. Take a short time to think about your SURROUNDING.
What do you hear? 
"Children scream in the yard. The neighbor's vacuuming. My son is playing music. It's okay. The sound is there and i recognize it and accept it for being a sound in my surrounding".   

What can you smell? 
Is it light or dark? 
Is the floor cold? 
Is the air hot? 
Something else?

Feel it, try and not think about it too much. Recognize, accept, and move to another part of your mind, soul, body.  

Once again, be proud over yourself for all the feelings you recognize! 


5.  Take a short time to think about your BREATHING. 
Remember: No type of breathing is wrong or right!

You only need to notice what it feels like. 
How does the air feel going into your nostrils? 
Cold? Warm? Stinking? 
How does it feel going into your lungs and your stomach? 
When it comes out again?

This is something you can do for a while, just breathing and recognizing it. 

You can take a long, deep breath if you want to. How does it feel? 



NOTE for all the exercises: 
If you have a hard time letting the feelings go, accept this as well.




This is all you need to do. Never judge yourself for any of your feelings, thoughts or emotions, because they're a part of you and you should be proud that you recognize them. 

NOTE: Maybe you'll experience a strong and aching feeling in the beginning. A feeling of sadness, anger, anxiety or emptiness. Or all of these. Or maybe you feel free and happy and calm. Everyone responds differently. However you feel, have in mind that these strong emotions usually disappear after a while, either after a couple of minutes, or a couple of exercises, or a couple of weeks. Or month. And if they don't, you're not doing it wrong, instead, you may carry so much sadness that it may be hard to handle by your own. Maybe you need to find someone to talk to, maybe you need more help. Seeking help doesn't make you weak, it makes you strong. Or, mindfulness is just not the right way to go for you. 


Even if you give up at once, be proud that you took the time to try! :) 

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Emotional dependence

Do you feel as if your own well being is highly connected to your loved ones well being? 

Does your mood change when his/her mood changes? 

If he/she is happy a particular day, are you happy then as well? 

And if he/she feel anxious or depressed a particular day, do you feel anxious and  depressed as well? 

If you don't know how he/she feels a particular day, are you then unsure of your own feelings?

If you answered yes to these questions, you're not alone, and you're not going crazy. Adapting and being influenced by your loved ones shifting emotions is a common trait to relative to a person suffering from addiction, and it might make you feel exhausted and confused. Go to a quiet space, lay down, close your eyes. Try and feel what it feels like. What does your body feel like? Your surrounding? What do YOU feel? 

"Happiness is nowhere to be found, if I can't find it in myself"

Edvard Grieg

Friday, May 8, 2015

The Need for Control

It's common to feel a need for control as a relative to a person with an addiction. Maybe you feel that being in control might help you change the other person. However, this behavior may lead to an addiction of your own; an addiction of being in control all the time. An example of this is that feelings of extreme anxiety (shortness of breath, your heart beats faster, exhaustion, panic and so on) may occur at times when you feel as if you've lost your control over something. These feelings of anxiety disappear when you feel as you've gain the control again, but this is only temporary and for the moment; the anxiety may quickly rise again, leading to a vicious circle. 

Do you recognize yourself in this behavior? It's very common and you're not alone.
Read the following questions and feel free to write down some of your answers as a comment below! This might help others being in the same situation :) 



QUESTIONS ABOUT CONTROL
  • In what kind of ways do you try and control your loved ones drug/alcohol intake? (ex. "I hide his/her drugs/alcohol". "I give him/her an ultimatum". "I set up "rules" that may prevent drug/alcohol intake". "I sit home at night waiting for my loved one only to confront him/her and ask what he/she has been up to" etc.).
  • What is your goal with gaining control? (ex. "By throwing away drugs he/she doesn't have access to them". "I think that my ultimatum will work if he/she loves me". "I want to know everything that he/she's been doing because [...]". etc).
  • What do you think would happen if you let go of the control? Would your/your loved ones situation be any different?  (ex. "I would have time to hang out with my friends instead of sitting home waiting for him/her". "The situation of my loved one would actually not be any different". etc.).
  • What type of of control-"behavior" would be easiest for you to let go of first of all? (ex. "sit home waiting at night" etc.)

Good luck! :) /Carina 

Saturday, May 2, 2015

Adapting vs. Putting up boundaries

Being a relative to a person suffering from addiction may result in an extreme and exaggerated adaption/toleration/adjustment of another person's lifestyle or behaviors. You may find it hard expressing your own needs or putting up clear boundaries.

Please view the following questions if you feel that this way of "adapting" may reply to you. Feel free to write down your answers on a piece of paper.


  • What are the short-term consequences of adapting? ex. "I make the other person happy". "There's no need for conflict" 
  • What are the long-term consequences of adapting? ex. "I feel used". "I don't consider my own health".
  • What may the negative consequences of putting up boundaries be? ex. "It might start a conlict". "I might disappoint someone". "I would feel guilty". 
  • What may the positive consequences of putting up boundaries? ex. "I would respect my self more". "I would see to my own needs". "I would be able to rest when I wanted to".
     
  • Can you think of a situation when you might adjust yourself even if you don't want to? ex. "When I'm exhausted and someone asks for help". "When i need to clean up someone else's mess".
  • When these kinds of situations occur, what could you say in order to see to your own needs? ex. "I'm sorry, I can't do that today. I could get back to you at a more suitable time". "I'm sorry, I can't fix this for you. Have you thought of any possibly solutions yourself?"
  • What would it mean to you if you were able to put up clear boundaries?
  • What would be the first step in clarifying your boundaries? When facing yourself and facing others?  


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