To believe in the same thing over and over again

There are probably many relatives that can admit to having believed the addict when they said: "I'll drink less, I'll stop, I'll find help, I will… I will… I will… "

We want to believe it so badly, we build up our hopes and dreams around this. And we get just as disappointed each time.

Talking won't do it, in this case action is what counts. Words without action will simply make things end up like they were before.

How can we as relatives protect ourselves from the disappointments? How can we as relatives contribute to putting up more realistic and manageable goals? For ourselves and others involved?


Do you like this blog? Become a member and share it to others!

Do you have fears that stop you?

Sometimes we can see 1000 reasons why a change would be good. And still we don't make the change happen. Sometimes we don't understand why we don't just get ourselves together and do it, when we see all the positive things that would come out from making the change.

Someting that can hinder us is our fears. When we don't take care of our fears and let time go by we get insecure and sometimes that becomes very negative for us. That's why we might get involved in things we really don't want to do, something we actually want to change, but don't dare to.

Do you have fears that stop you fom making a change that you know will bring many positive things?

Here's a tip on what you can do: write down all your fears and list them on a paper. Then you go through them one by one and ask yourself "Is this fear real? Is this really a danger?". If it is not, you can cross it out. If it is a real fear, think about what you need to do to change it or come to terms with it. What are you really afraid of? What is the probability that what you are afraid of really is going to happen? IF, as a worst case scenario, it would happen, how would you handle that? Beside the fear you write down a plan to handle it if it would come true. Maybe you also need to do some research when writing the plan.

Example: Fears
What if I can't make ends meet economically? - Get in contact with an economic counselor so they can help you. Find extra work to do on weekends.

What if he starts to drink more? - That is nothing I can decide. Only he can make the decision to drink less or drink more. If this happens - then I'll make it clear that I don't want to be around him when he's under the influence and I'll do something else with my time instead.

Do you have fears that stop you and what would the difference be to you if you weren't afraid of this?

Please tell me in the comments! I get so happy when there's an email or comment from one of my readers, then I know that you are out there and that motivates me to write more :-)

Stupidity?

"Stupidity is to do the same thing over and over, and expect a different result" someone smart once said. Was it Albert Einstein?

In any case, that saying can be viewed from many perspectives. As relatives we can always try to nag or bribe until change happens. Sometimes, that might work. Many times it doesn't. Still we keep on trying, over and over again. And we hope there'll be a different result next time.

So if we used the same method over and over again, and it clearly isn't providing the result we hoped for, what then can we do differently?

Air out your life!

Do you have many energy thieves that steal your time?

Sometimes it can be good to clean out some things in your life. There can be many different things that steal our energy, strength, and joy of life. It can be the shelves that you crammed with things you don't know what to do with, it can be a friend or relative that suck all energy out of you every time you meet, it can be unpaid debts or commitments you find very dull.

Write a list of the things that eat up your energy and think about what you can do to change that!

Here you get some examples of things I have changed/cleaned out:

1) Cleaned out shelves in my cabinets, wardrobes and all the papers I have - threw out things that were worthless - gave away the things that could be useful for someone else.
2) Stopped buying clothes that have to be ironed.
3) Go through my retirement savings and others savings, talked to my bank to get better investments.
4) Sent emails to friends I haven't heard from in a long time.
5) Bought a robot vacuum cleaner that cleans out all the cat hairs when I'm at work :-)

So get going! It is incredibly uplifting to have cleaned some things out! Take care of you time and energy!

Do you like this blog? Become a member and share it to others!

Trusting others more than yourself...

A lot of people living with someone who has substance abuse problems, or who has grown up in a family in similar conditions, often trust others more than themselves. And in addition they often choose to trust the person with substance abuse problems rather than themselves.

What does that lead to? Obviously insecurity, low self esteem and it reduces the opportunities to make decisions in favor for themselves. That's when you listen to what someone else thinks, rather than how you yourself are reasoning or feeling. Our emotions, values and thoughts are our guides that point out which decisions are good for us and which aren't.

Does this describe you?

In that case, what do you emotions tell you? What is your gut feeling telling you? Listen to yourself - and dare to trust yourself! You are the most important person in your life because you are guaranteed to be living with yourself for the rest of your life!

Do you like this blog? Become a member and share it to others on Twitter and Facebook! :-)