Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Theme of The Month - Violence: Violence in Relationships

Violence drastically increases in relationships where alcohol or drugs are involved. Violence is extremely traumatizing for the affected. And remember, there's something more than just physical violence. Extremely aggressive behavior and threats etc. may also be traumatizing for the husband/wife/children.

Many people live in fear of saying/doing the "wrong" things, and therefor trigger aggressiveness, threats and maybe even violence. It may feel like one walks on ice. This is an extremely powerless feeling, and one may feel responsibility to behave "good" or else the "ice" might break. This gives a lot of power and advantage to the violent person.

If anger, threats or physical violence occur one may think: 
- I should've understood...
- I should've thought about...
- I should've been quiet instead.

A victim of ongoing violence is often highly attentive when it comes to the other persons frame of mind, in order to predict eventual violent behaviors. This is especially true in relationships where alcohol and/or drugs are involved, since the persons mood may change drastically depending on the intake of the alcohol/drugs. 

Information taken from the book Relation och Trauma (transl. Relationship and trauma) by Karin Persson
If you recognize yourself, try to seek help! 
It might be extremely hard, and you might be scared for your life.
But think about what may happen to you/your children if you stay in the relationship. There are many places to turn, places that doesn't expose you or your identity. If you have someone close that you trust, the first step may be to talk to this person, and maybe he/she can help you go through this. You don't deserve to be treated this way, and you are not alone!

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Theme of the month - Violence: Violence Against Animals

One reason to why many people stay in a violent relationship may be out of fear that a pet exposed to violence may be even more hurt. A person may not be able to bring the animal when escaping from their violent home. The risk of violence is much higher if addiction is involved.

In her book Med husbondens röst (transl. With the master's voice) Carin Holmberg writes about women whom experienced violence in their home. She writes for instance about Moa, a woman who's been beaten by her husband Mats. He also beat their pet. In the beginning of their relationship Moa moved in with Mats together with her two cats, and during the relationship they bought a dog each. Moa didn't want to leave her dog alone with Mats after an incident where he kicked the dog. He also scalded her cats under the faucet. Despite all this, Moa was afraid to leave Mats since he threatened to find her and kill all of their pets. One day Moa ended up in the hospital after being severely beaten by Mats. When she came home, she found her dog unconscious and full of blood. This was when Moa finally found the strength to leave Mats, even if it was in great fear. Unfortunately she was forced to leave her cats in the care of someone else, since she lost of all their trust.

Hurting an animals may be used to control and threat the people close to the animal.

Violence against animals can both be psychological, where the person frighten the animal and create an unsafe environment, or physical, through beating or other harmful acts.

Do you suspect that an animal is being treated badly? Report it! It's our duty to help animals who can't help them selves! The whole family may also be in need of help.


Thursday, January 15, 2015

Theme of the month - Violence: Addiction, Violence & Children

In this post I will talk about violence against children, and children who witness violence in their home. Violence doesn't have to be physical. It can be anything from be high voices and yelling to slamming doors and throwing things around. Many children who experience violence in their home describe how they haven't seen it, but heard it, and this will also create fear and trauma.

"My dad was the boss in the house. He didn't let me do anything. When my dad was home during the weekends he drank. Then he became drunk. The next day he was hangover, and then he was angry about everything. He was pretty mean".
(Interview with a young child taken from the book Barn som upplever våld. Pappas våld mot mamma - barns förståelse och komplexa offerskap. Gothia Förlag 2007 (transl. "Children who experience violence. The father's violence against the mother - children's understanding and complex victimhood.").

"The best thing for a child is to live at home" - Is this really true? 

Science have shown that it all depends on the situation. If there's violence in the home, the child may experience relief by not being a part of it. When interviewing children scientist have found out that the most important aspect of the life of a child is to feel safe.

Children who live with violence in their home may become traumatized. A trauma is an incident that is so frightening that it creates physiological and mental harm. The child hasn't chosen to live in their home, but they still have to be responsible for it and adapt to it. Many children whom seen violence in their home also show signs of emotional problems such as anxiety, depression and aggressiveness. they may also develop antisocial behaviors, in comparison to other children.

If you live in a violent family, seek help! You doesn't have to be alone!

Om du lever i en familj där det förekommer våld, så sök hjälp! Du behöver inte stå ensam i detta!

Take care!

Friday, January 9, 2015

Words of wisdom from Winnie the Pooh

 "When you fall down on someone it's not enough to say that you couldn't help it, because he could probably not help ending up underneath you either".

Winnie the Pooh

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