The Need for Control

It's common to feel a need for control as a relative to a person with an addiction. Maybe you feel that being in control might help you change the other person. However, this behavior may lead to an addiction of your own; an addiction of being in control all the time. An example of this is that feelings of extreme anxiety (shortness of breath, your heart beats faster, exhaustion, panic and so on) may occur at times when you feel as if you've lost your control over something. These feelings of anxiety disappear when you feel as you've gain the control again, but this is only temporary and for the moment; the anxiety may quickly rise again, leading to a vicious circle. 

Do you recognize yourself in this behavior? It's very common and you're not alone.

Read the following questions and feel free to write down some of your answers as a comment below! This might help others being in the same situation :) 



QUESTIONS ABOUT CONTROL

• In what kind of ways do you try and control your loved ones drug/alcohol intake? (ex. "I hide his/her drugs/alcohol". "I give him/her an ultimatum". "I set up "rules" that may prevent drug/alcohol intake". "I sit home at night waiting for my loved one only to confront him/her and ask what he/she has been up to" etc.).

• What is your goal with gaining control? (ex. "By throwing away drugs he/she doesn't have access to them". "I think that my ultimatum will work if he/she loves me". "I want to know everything that he/she's been doing because [...]". etc).

• What do you think would happen if you let go of the control? Would your/your loved ones situation be any different?  (ex. "I would have time to hang out with my friends instead of sitting home waiting for him/her". "The situation of my loved one would actually not be any different". etc.).

• What type of of control-"behavior" would be easiest for you to let go of first of all? (ex. "sit home waiting at night" etc.)

Good luck! :) /Carina