The children that grow up in a family of addicts

Together with Ann-Charlotte Johansson, a therapist and colleague, I made a survey for the members of a swedish discussion forum (a forum for relatives). One of the questions were for those who grew up in a family of drug and substance abusers, asking them what help they would have wanted to get.

These are the answers we got:

* Get acknowledgement

* Get to talk to someone to not feel alone. Be understood.

* Someone that asked me how I felt.

* Someone that could have shown me how a "healthy" family lived.

* I wanted to be saved.

* I wished that a parent that didn't use, or some other relative, would have put their foot down.

* Information about that it shouldn't be the way it was. Me and my siblings thought everyone lived like we did.

* Help to help myself and not get walked over all the time by people that knew better than me.

* That some adult would have caught hold of me, or made my problem visible to someone that could.

* I wish that the school would have seen and reacted.

* Help to get peace and quiet, safety, trust for other people, affirmation, get listened to, strengthened my identity.

* That someone had told me that it wasn't my fault that my dad drank and that violence was not OK.

* That I'd have gotten a foster family.

* That someone saw me and acknowledged me. Told me that I would manage despite all the difficulties.

* Someone from the outside that saw and understood.

* Afterwards I got to know that my teacher reported my family to social services but they didn't take action. The teacher never told me this. It would probably have meant a lot to me if I had known. It would have helped me put words on what was happening and my feelings about it.

* That social services had stepped in.

* Since I didn't dare to speak to anybody I wish there was more civil courage in school, since it was obvious to everyone how things were in my family.

* I wish that there was someone in school you could talk about feelings to. After all, it is only when the problems get big that you talk about what children have to go through.

Let's learn from those who already know...