What is the relatives view on addiction?

As long as a person lives in denial, he/she will always try to protect/hide the addiction, especially from the close ones. All attempts from you as a relative to communicate might turn against you (you may be called "hysterical" or that you have a "lively imagination").

If you are constantly told that you're are crazy, you may finally begin to distrust your own judgment, resulting in a situation where your loved one is able to continue with his/her addiction, without consequences. It will be even more complicated if you're economically dependent or if you have children with the person.

Many family members who have gone through therapy explains how a big part of their lives revolves around the addict, and that their own needs always come in second hand, even during the therapy (if their loved one is present during the sessions). This is further complicated when a relative is used to tolerate and accept many things which are actually not okay, leading to a "normalization" of things that actually are "abnormal".

What many families are experiencing is that they:
- Tolerate things that they otherwise would never tolerate.
- Sacrifice their own time, and in the same time expecting to receive something in return.
- Do things for others, things like the others ought to do for themselves. 
- Act against their own believes (ex. nags, begs, blames or shout).
- Set ultimatum that they will not keep.
- Make great efforts to build up a "facade". 
- Create a strong, irrational conviction, like "if only X does this, everything will be fine".
- Fight hard to remain calm.
- Accept a life of drama and chaos.

A big help might be for you to talk to other relatives/families who are in the same situation as yourself. This might make you manage to express your feelings, and thus clarify the situation, realizing what's actually "normal" to accept. It may also help you to realize that there are so many others who are going through the same thing as yourself!