The 6 family roles in a home with addiction

An article in the community Pro Talk (rehabs.com) brings up the subject of the different "roles" inside a family where an addiction is present. These roles can shift amongst the family members, and they evolve as a type of coping mechanism in order to protect the person suffering from substance abuse as well as the family balance. Maintaining these roles may lead to the person being able to continue with their abuse.  

Do you recognize yourself or some other member of your family in one or several of these roles?

The 6 family roles

1. The Enabler
A person who is constantly trying to "save" and protect the person with an addiction. This may include paying the persons' bills, making food, cleaning up, helping the person in keeping his/her job/education by talking to the boss/school etc. The enabler act by suppressing feelings such as fear, anger or shame.

2. The Hero
An overachieving person who's striving for perfectionism both inside and outside the household. The person takes on huge responsibilities as he/she is constantly trying to help the other, sober family members (cleaning, making dinner, comforting etc.), and in the same needs to be the "best" in other areas (school, work etc). This role is hard to maintain and usually results in a breakdown. 

3. The Scapegoat

This is usually the child in the family, who's deflecting the chaotic home environment in acting out in various negative/not accepted ways, such as skipping school, getting into fights, having trouble with the law etc. These behaviors usually come from great feelings of anger.

4. The Mascot

This is another role a child in the family may take on. Instead of breaking rules, this person uses comedy and good behavior in order to keep up a balanced family environment and pleasing the other family members.

5. The Lost Child

An almost apathetic role; this child is withdraw and isolated. He/she may lack social skills and is almost always alone. This is a way to protect and disconnect her/himself from the destructive home environment.

6. The Addict

The addict may, as well as the other family members, take on different roles and shift his/her behavior. The roles from the family members often affects how the person with addiction acts. Deep down he/she may feel great remorse and shame, which increases when he/she feels pressured by the family members. The shame often turns into anger or aggression.

Why is it important to be aware of the family roles?

Taking notice and recognizing the different roles one may take on as a family member may result in a willingness and opportunity to change them. We may often act in a certain way, without knowing why. Since the roles are coping mechanisms in order to protect one self and the family from the addiction, they often hurt us more than help us. 

What's more important is recognizing the roles the children in a home with addiction may take on. The role will create various behavioral patterns that will shape the whole identity of the person when growing up into adulthood, affecting his/her own relationships and well-being! 

Research shows that family therapy might be very helpful. As a parent it might be hard knowing what to do, especially when the parent him/herself is affected by the spouses' addiction. One suggestion is meeting a psychiatrist by yourself. Talking about your own behavior and feelings when it comes to your relationship with the person suffering from addiction may help you recognizing and breaking down the role you've taken on, as well as being able to help other family members. 

Remember: you are not the role you play, and it's never to late to change it!

Read the whole article here

Take Care!
/Carina