How are you affected by the addiction?

A person in denial of his/her addiction will often tries to protect this addiction, especially to his/her relatives. All attempts made by a relative to communicate  may be turned against him/her (saying that he/she is "hysterical" or that hi/she have an "active imagination"). If you are constantly being told that you are crazy, you may finally begin to distrust your own judgment. It becomes even more complicated you are financially dependent or have children with the person.

Many family members in therapy express how almost everything revolves around the addict, and that their own needs come in second hand, even in the therapy sessions. It gets even more complicated when family members are used to the situation they're in, which often leads to that they normalizes the things that actually are abnormal.

What many relatives to people with addiction experience is that they:

•      Tolerate things that they otherwise would not tolerate
•      Sacrifice their own time and expecting to receive something back
•      Do things for others, that they should not do for themselves
•      Act against their own beliefs (eg. Nags, pleads, blames or screams)
•      Create an ultimatum that they never keep
•      Make great efforts to build a facade in front of others
•      Create a strong, irrational belief that "only X does this, everything will be fine"
•      Struggle hard to remain calm
•      Accept a life of drama and chaos

By communicating with other people in your own situation you may be able to express your feelings and thus clarify the situation, realizing what actually is "normal" to accept. It can also help you realize that there are so many others who are going through the same thing as you.

  

Source: Rydberg, Kristin and Sundby, Erik, from:  

Det är inte kärlek - när sex blir en drog (trans. It is not love - when sex becomes a drug (2012)