When
dealing with a relative who is an abuser of alcohol or drugs, it is very easy
to get extremely frustrated with their behavior. The choices made by one person
can have a long lasting effect on others. Dealing with consequences of alcohol
abuse or drug related problems, can tend to have long lasting effects on the
quality of life for those who love them most.
This
frustration often leads one to feel hopelessness about the situation. Maybe you
have tried different alternatives to help keep them on the "straight and
narrow" but none of these options ever seem to work. Time and time again,
they will agree to change, but the same bad choices and habits remain.
So,
the only choice you may feel is appropriate is to give them an ultimatum. While
this may shock the abuser into quick action, will it have lasting effects?
You
will find that after an ultimatum has been issued, the individual with the
substance abuse problems will stop short term, or at least they will not do it
in your presence. From there, you will slowly see the drugs and alcohol
reappear.
The
ultimatum is ignored, and oftentimes loved ones cannot deliver on it, so no
action is taken. The words become empty threats in the mind of the substance
abuser.
Instead
of creating a string of empty threats, it is better to say nothing at all, than
to give an ultimatum that you will not deliver on. That way, your boundaries
are not moved further, and the substance abuser does not lose respect for you.
It is better to choose to tell them what you think about the drug abuse
instead. Only give ultimatums that you are 100% sure you will deliver on so
that they don't lose respect for you, and you don't feel guilt or shame towards yourself. Don't fall into the Ultimatum trap!
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