Thursday, May 26, 2016

If You Can't Deliver, Then Don't

When dealing with a relative who is an abuser of alcohol or drugs, it is very easy to get extremely frustrated with their behavior. The choices made by one person can have a long lasting effect on others. Dealing with consequences of alcohol abuse or drug related problems, can tend to have long lasting effects on the quality of life for those who love them most.

This frustration often leads one to feel hopelessness about the situation. Maybe you have tried different alternatives to help keep them on the "straight and narrow" but none of these options ever seem to work. Time and time again, they will agree to change, but the same bad choices and habits remain.

So, the only choice you may feel is appropriate is to give them an ultimatum. While this may shock the abuser into quick action, will it have lasting effects? 


You will find that after an ultimatum has been issued, the individual with the substance abuse problems will stop short term, or at least they will not do it in your presence. From there, you will slowly see the drugs and alcohol reappear.

The ultimatum is ignored, and oftentimes loved ones cannot deliver on it, so no action is taken. The words become empty threats in the mind of the substance abuser.

Instead of creating a string of empty threats, it is better to say nothing at all, than to give an ultimatum that you will not deliver on. That way, your boundaries are not moved further, and the substance abuser does not lose respect for you. It is better to choose to tell them what you think about the drug abuse instead. Only give ultimatums that you are 100% sure you will deliver on so that they don't lose respect for you, and you don't feel guilt or shame towards yourself. Don't fall into the Ultimatum trap!


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