Don't Become a Control Addict

Do you live with a loved one who has a serious addiction? You have exhausted your options and are doing all you can do to aid the situation in your household. Now you have decided it's time to take matters in your own hands and take control. You feel that if you take control, it will help you better manage or change the other person. While this option may seem more acceptable to you, step back for a moment and consider this.

A controlling nature can lead to an addiction of your own. The strong need for control. As you begin to squeeze down on the situation at hand, you could experience anxiety, shortness of breath, fast heart beat, or panic when you feel that you have lost control. These symptoms will then disappear again, when you are back in control. Because there is no way for you to stay in control all of the time, you will be in for an emotional rollercoaster. This, in turn, begins a vicious never ending circle. It may not be on purpose, but you have now formed your own dependency of control!

Don't worry, you are not alone. It's very common. There are some tell-tale signs to help you know if you have fallen into or are entering the "control-zone". Here are some questions to help you conduct a self examination.

• In what kind of ways do you try to control your loved ones drug/alcohol intake? (i.e. "I hide the drugs/alcohol". "I gave an ultimatum". "I set up "rules." "I sit home at night waiting them to arrive home.")

• In what ways do you seek to gain control? (i.e. "By throwing away the drugs". "By using extreme ultimatums." "I want to know everything that is going on at all times." etc).

• What do you think would happen if you let go of the control? Would your/your loved ones situation be any different?  (i.e. "My home situation would become chaotic."  "I would have time to hang out with my friends instead of sitting home waiting for him/her". "The situation of my loved one would actually not be any different." etc.)

• What type of control-"behavior" would be easiest for you to let go of? (i.e. "sit home waiting at night" etc.)

Use the answers to these questions to assess your situation, and began to develop a plan to release your control and redirect your energies on standards that will not allow you to develop addictions due to the addiction situation.