Why do I do what I do?

When I was 16 years old, my mother asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up. My answer was: "I want to fight drugs". Don't ask me where I got it from, because as far as I know, no one I knew at that time was addicted to drugs or alcohol. Nevertheless, I still understood that addiction destroys many precious lives and relationships.

Today, people who know me well sometimes ask me why I choose to sit indoors when the sun is shining to write to relatives to people suffering from addiction. Or why I choose to hold courses during my spare time, although my schedule's already full. Or why I sit in cafes writing books, when I can hang out with my friends instead.

My answer is still the same: "I want to fight drugs." But now, due to both my career and my own relationships, I've gain more experience and insight when it comes to knowing how destructive an addiction can be. Destructive, not only for the person who's addicted, but for all those living close to the person. Those who are in the middle of the emotional roller coaster conducted of fear, sadness, hope, disappointment and shattered dreams.

During my years working at the drug rehabilitation team at the detention center, I met many wonderful people, who for various reasons ended up in the drug nest. And to my great happiness I've been told that I helped many of these people to choose life. And to my great sadness, I've also lost some amazing people who's lives in the end got taken by the drugs. They'll always have a place in my heart.

I'm extremely passionate about what I do, since I know that there are solutions and that there's help. I will not give up, because I know that there are many paths to be taken which leads to a better, longer and more meaningful life.

I will continue doing this, because I know that what I do makes a difference, whether it is to support the person suffering from the addiction, or helping the families who have close connection to the person.

Looking at this, not much have changes since I was 16. I intend to continue the fight against drugs!

Together we are strong!

/Carina

6 Communication Skills For Parents

One of the number one concerns of parents is whether their children will use, or are using, drugs. What if there were something you could do to help prevent drug abuse?

There are good news; research shows that parents play an important role in preventing their children from using drugs. There are different parenting skills that you can use to prevent both initiation and progression of drug use. 

SO WHAT ARE THESE SKILLS? 

1. Communication

Communication skills help parents stay on top of what is happening in their children’s lives as well as detect problems early on. You want to stay away from blaming, accusing or angry outbursts. It’s a good idea to make a plan to deal with the situation within 24 hours, rather than attempt to have a conversation while you’re angry.

2. Encouragement

This is truly integral in order to build confidence, reduce conflict and promote cooperation. Comparing children to their siblings, taking over when progress is too slow or reminding children of their past failures should in all cases be avoided.

3. Negotiation

Negotiation encourages problem solving and cooperation. It allows children to learn about focusing on finding solutions, thinking through possible consequences of their behavior and creating communication skills.

4. Setting Limits

Limits are important because they provide guidelines and teach children how important it is to follow rules. Limits teach children about self-control, responsibility and safe boundaries.

5. Supervision

Supervision is integral for effective parenting because it helps parents with spotting problems and staying involved. It promotes safety, however, it’s not always feasible to have your children within your sight. When your kids are away from the home, look at their schedule, call them, have them check in, surprise them with random calls or visits and stay in contact with other adults who interact with them.

6. Knowing Your Child’s Friends

The uncertainty of the children´s self-image, how they “fit in” and the need to please and impress their friends can leave them vulnerable to peer pressure. It’s important to stay in communication with their friends and parents, observe who they hang out with, discuss sex and drugs (so they’re not getting the info from unreliable sources) and talk to them when a concern comes up. 

It’s important to be someone that your child can come to with their triumphs, problems and concerns. Be their sounding board, cheerleader and number one defender and advocate. There are going to be stumbles and falls along the way, but remember that we’re striving for them to have happy, healthy, and productive lives and that all experience—good and bad—teaches us important life lessons.

Do you want to read more? 

See this link: https://www.drugabuse.gov/sites/default/files/familycheckup_8_15.pdf

Walk into the Open Door

When one door closes, another door opens, but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.”

– Alexander Graham Bell –

Sometimes it is time to give up on something that may not be working for you. It's important to assess the time and effort you have sacrificed and compare them to the results you have gotten. Life is short, and you don't have time and just wait. It can be hard to break away from things that are not working out.

Perhaps you made a bad decision some years ago. At the time, you may not have seen it that way, but as time moved on, it became evident that your decision was not a very wise one. It is okay to make an honest assessment of your life. Sometimes it is important that you break the ties that bind you to bad past decisions and start a new.

These decisions could have involved business, people, friends, habits, and the list continues. Rather than to continue to struggle and fight for something that will never win, loosen your grip and let it go. So many people have a hard time letting go because they either do not want to accept failure, or it could be a situation where old habits die hard. Accept the fact that it is time to close the door.

You see, when one door closes, another one opens. We don't want to waste time looking and longing for a door that will inevitably close anyway. As we close the door of the past, there will be glorious open doors awaiting you. But you can't walk through a closed and open door at one time. So, walk forward and be free.

Just because you made a bad decision does not mean you must continue to live by it. Always remember, if your fist is closed holding on to what you have, you cannot open it up to accept new opportunities and blessing!

Turn Your Negatives into Positives!

You are a relative of someone who has substance abuse issues. As a responsible individual, you are likely to possess many wonderful qualities that have helped you cope thus far. Though things may not be going well or as planned, you can take all these negatives and feel empowered to turn them into positives.

Positive strengths you may possess include:

1. A great deal of insight
2. Faithfulness
3. Loyalty
4. Endurance
5. A thick skin 
6. Helpful
7. Selflessness
8. Confidence in others
9. Wanting to see people develop to their full potential
10. Write more strengths that you have…!

Ask yourself these questions:

• How can we target these forces within ourselves for the better?
• Where should they be channeled?
• How can I use these characteristics in such a way that they lead to positive development, both for myself and others?

In other words,

How Will You Use Your Positive Strengths?

Turn all of your negatives into positives and watch your life begin to transform. Even though you may be faced with negative circumstance, a positive attitude will inspire other around you. You may be the example that an addict may need to be inspired by.

By setting up goals for yourself, you can work at one positive attitude to perfect each day or you can look at it from a weekly perspective. The amount of time you spend on yourself will not only enhance your quality of life, but will also help others around you. From there, you can feel empowered and feel great about your accomplishments instead of being pulled through the muck and mire of those who have not gotten their lives together. Be you. Be positive!

Don't Become a Control Addict

Do you live with a loved one who has a serious addiction? You have exhausted your options and are doing all you can do to aid the situation in your household. Now you have decided it's time to take matters in your own hands and take control. You feel that if you take control, it will help you better manage or change the other person. While this option may seem more acceptable to you, step back for a moment and consider this.

A controlling nature can lead to an addiction of your own. The strong need for control. As you begin to squeeze down on the situation at hand, you could experience anxiety, shortness of breath, fast heart beat, or panic when you feel that you have lost control. These symptoms will then disappear again, when you are back in control. Because there is no way for you to stay in control all of the time, you will be in for an emotional rollercoaster. This, in turn, begins a vicious never ending circle. It may not be on purpose, but you have now formed your own dependency of control!

Don't worry, you are not alone. It's very common. There are some tell-tale signs to help you know if you have fallen into or are entering the "control-zone". Here are some questions to help you conduct a self examination.

• In what kind of ways do you try to control your loved ones drug/alcohol intake? (i.e. "I hide the drugs/alcohol". "I gave an ultimatum". "I set up "rules." "I sit home at night waiting them to arrive home.")

• In what ways do you seek to gain control? (i.e. "By throwing away the drugs". "By using extreme ultimatums." "I want to know everything that is going on at all times." etc).

• What do you think would happen if you let go of the control? Would your/your loved ones situation be any different?  (i.e. "My home situation would become chaotic."  "I would have time to hang out with my friends instead of sitting home waiting for him/her". "The situation of my loved one would actually not be any different." etc.)

• What type of control-"behavior" would be easiest for you to let go of? (i.e. "sit home waiting at night" etc.)

Use the answers to these questions to assess your situation, and began to develop a plan to release your control and redirect your energies on standards that will not allow you to develop addictions due to the addiction situation.