Do the kids understand more than we think?

As parents we naturally want our kids to be happy, feel good and secure. It is therefore hard to make yourself realise that the kids also are affected by the grown-up's alchohol and drug abuse.

In many cases the adults do their drinking or intake of the drug in a way that is the least harmful for the kids possible, and often you can hear relatives make statements such as:

"No, the kids don't notice anything, he/she drinks only when they have gone to sleep"

"The kids don't know about this, he/she becomes extra nice to them when he/she drinks"

"You don't notice when he/she is drunk, it is only I who see it"

And so on...

It is a common misconception that children do not understand just because they are not present during the actual intake and perhaps not during the intoxication either. Children not only affected by the alcohol, children are affected by the relationship between the adults.

If there frequently is a bad atmosphere, conflicts, blame, isolating silences and so on, the children are affected by it, regardless if they see the intake of the drug or not. They might not understand exactly what the problem is, but they can see that someting is wrong. And if nobody talks to the child about this, the risk is that the child takes the blame for the family problems.

Another common reaction from the children is that they are angry with the other parent (not the user) because they feel that it is them who fights, are angry, nag and creates conflicts, because they don't understand the real problem.

In conclusion: Kids are affected and sense/understand more than we think they do.

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