As a contrast to the last blog entry about playing the victim I'll go ahead and describe another behavior that is common among relatives to a person with an addiction problem. It's called that you get "obsessed with strength".
It means that you help other people that are in need of help and to get acknowledged and identify yourself as a strong and good-doing person. By looking at the addict in a way you would a small vulnerable child in need of care you yourself get the affirmation that you are supportive, important and you build your self esteem around this.
Compared to the addict, you'd view yourself in the role as the strong and responsible one. That way the addict can continue to not take responsibility for their actions. Because the consequences of the addiction are taken care of by the strong and responsible one.
This could also mean that if you don't have anyone to take care of at the moment, you lose your feeling of being valuable and you start to feel that there is no purpose in your life.
Being focused on helping someone else all the time lets you postpone dealing with yourself in many ways, your own feelings and needs. You hold yourself occupied with saving someone else and in that way you don't need to face yourself and the situation you are living in.
Don't get me wrong, being helpful and showing compassion are amazing virtues, and the world would be a better place if those virtues were used more. However, when being helpful becomes an escape from yourself, or happens at the expense of someone else's health, then it is high time to think over your priorities.
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