Excerpt form the Self-Help Manual 3

Excerpt from the Self-Help Manual for Relatives of Substance Abusers:

In order to bring new things into our lives we need to take away things that we do not want any more or that might not be useful to us. We cannot just keep adding things all the time because that will probably lead to stress-related illness. It is important to empty our backpack and sort things out sometimes. To make it even clearer what you could say “yes” to in order to say “no” to other things, fill out the chart below. Put down what you can say “yes” to if you choose to say “no” to something else.

If I say no to:	Then I can say yes to:
E.g. Paying for someone else. Controlling others.	E.g. Buying something for myself. Caring for others in a healthy way.

Try this exercise for yourself! It may be helpful to set boundaries and clarify what you want to be open for. 

All the best!

/Carina

P.s. If you want purchase the E-book "Self-Help Manual For Relatives", please click on the picture on the left hand side.

Excerpt from the Self-Help Manual

Excerpt from the Self-Help Manual for Relatives of Substance Abusers: 

"In a destructive relationship, other people often wonder why the couple stay together, why they do not split up. Why the person stays, even when it is clear that the relationship is destructive and that the person is being badly treated and would be better off by her/himself. But the people who live in this sort of relationship often find something positive in it that no one else can see or understand. It can be, for example, that they feel safe. People often stay in a relationship because they feel safe: they know what they have but not what they might get. It is easy for us to be scared of change and new situations. Even when you are in a destructive relationship, you can still feel safe in it.  

Another reason for staying is the fear of being alone – it seems preferable to stay in the relationship you have. There are many different reasons why people choose to stay or elect not to change the situation. Also, the feeling of being needed by someone can be important. This makes us feel valued, important and appreciated by somebody. That feeling can be a reason why we do not look for change. The feeling of being needed by somebody raises our self-esteem temporarily. We seldom ask ourselves: ”Do I need this person?” “Do I need this situation?” “Do I need to be treated in this way?”  

Take a look at your own life and situation. Write down the benefits of your current situation as well as the negative parts and consequences. Analyse all the perspectives; your emotions, your physical and material situation, economy and relations. 

Positive sides of the current situation:	Negative sides of the current situation
E.g. I like to feel needed Safety	E.g. It takes up all my energy Worries

Test the exercise on your situation! Please write in the comments your thoughts and reflections

 

All the best!

/Carina