"CANI"

Have you listened to or seen Tony Robbins? The super-coach with an endless amount of energy? He uses an expression called "CANI"- Constant And Never-ending Improvement. The expression comes from the Japanese version "Kaizen", where Kai means change and zen means good.

Tony believes that if you implement CANI (Lessons in Mastery) daily your life will improve on all levels. To think through the different areas of life, like mental and physical health, relationships, economy, work, leisure and so on, and try to constantly improve these areas.

He has a point, it will never be enough to believe that only because I fixed one thing once it'll always remain that way. I have tried in many areas myself.
Example: Lose weight - and when I succeed I start to eat the way I used to and stop working out. Result = not good.
Another example: I learn to put up boundaries and say no when I mean no. It works great as long as I concentrate on the task. As soon as I start to believe that I master it, I'll fall back to where I was before.

So now I tried to implement CANI in my life in my own way. I put a reminder in my phone so that it reminds me once a week, for example CANI-relationships? So that day I need to think about what I can do to develop and improve my relationships to others.


Today I got a message about CANI-economy... I don't really know what I should try to do with my economy. I'd rather have gotten a CANI-health because today I took a one-hour walk, went to the physiotherapist and booked an appointment with a naprapath. But I didn't say Health. It said Economy... Hmmm... I'll have to think about this one.

Anyone feel like accepting a CANI-challenge? Write in the comments in that case. I'm curious! :-)


If you want to order Anthony Robbins' lectures you can find them here: http://www.tonyrobbins.com/
There are usually low prices at Amazon.

What do you want to improve today?

Good luck!
/Carina

Walking on thin ice

One thing that relatives often say about their relationships to the person suffering from addiction is that they have to tiptoe around the person and be really careful about what they say or do. It is like walking on thin ice, they say, and all of a sudden the ice breaks, and perhaps it is hard to understand why.

You can tiptoe to:
* not seem irritating.
* prevent the addict from drinking more.
* not say something wrong.
* not do something that does not suit the addict.
* not be blamed.
* not be in the way.
* not evoke anger

The relative might be too scared to confront the person; to say what they really think or feel. He/she might always have to think twice about everything they do or say in fear of their loved one becoming annoyed or angry. In the end, it might feel as they are in a prison, surrounded by invisible walls.

Do you feel this way? What would happen if you started to express your feelings and thoughts? What is the worst thing that could happen and what is the best thing that could happen?

How would it affect you to stand up for yourself? Psychologically? Self esteem? Courage to do what you want to? Courage to reveal your opinions and thoughts? 

Don't hesitate to write down a comment to this post! 
Maybe it an help others!

Lots of strength!
/Carina

Excerpt form the Self-Help Manual 3

Excerpt from the Self-Help Manual for Relatives of Substance Abusers:

In order to bring new things into our lives we need to take away things that we do not want any more or that might not be useful to us. We cannot just keep adding things all the time because that will probably lead to stress-related illness. It is important to empty our backpack and sort things out sometimes. To make it even clearer what you could say “yes” to in order to say “no” to other things, fill out the chart below. Put down what you can say “yes” to if you choose to say “no” to something else.

If I say no to:	Then I can say yes to:
E.g. Paying for someone else. Controlling others.	E.g. Buying something for myself. Caring for others in a healthy way.

Try this exercise for yourself! It may be helpful to set boundaries and clarify what you want to be open for. 

All the best!

/Carina

P.s. If you want purchase the E-book "Self-Help Manual For Relatives", please click on the picture on the left hand side.

A one-sided relationship...

Do you get the feeling that it is only you fighting to improve or maintain the relationship with your partner? That you try to improve yourself to be more happy, understanding or kind in the hopes that the relationship will be better?

Does it feel like your partner takes that for granted and does not make an effort on their part to also contribute in making the relationship more harmonious and stable?

Is it a one-sided relationship?
Is it only you keeping the relationship alive?
Is it only your responsibility that you stay together?
Is it only your responsibility that there is a pleasant atmosphere?

It is common for a relative to a person suffering from addiction to end up in relationships like these. They have the ability to put other people in the centre of their attention and at the same time forego themselves. They may have low self-esteem since before the relationship which makes it hard to put up boundaries or recognize the signal that tells them it has gone too far. Instead, they fight just a little longer.

Is it worth it?
What would a two-sided mutual relationship be worth?

Write a comment!
/Carina

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