What do you carry on your back?

We all have emotions and memories that burdens our lives. It can be from the childhood, catastrophes, broken relationships and so on.

We store them in our minds so that they are not visible on our surface. We hide it well. But when someone wants to get closer to us and opens the door to our inner memories it will all come tumbling down.

Instead of treading on or walking around it, it might be time to clean out you inner emotions. Make a decision and throw away everything negative and never let it disturb you again, like ripping out the pages of a book.

You can turn this into a defined exercise if that will help you more. Take some post-it notes and a trash can. Write down one negative emotion/memory on each post-it note and throw them one by one in the trash can.

Some old dark clouds that roam in you present mind are harder to get rid of than others. Then you can write them down and also answer these questions:
*WHAT can I do to leave this behind?
*WHAT do I need to succeed with this?
*WHEN should I do it?

HOW you do it can vary greatly, anything from getting therapy-treatment, to talk to someone that might be one source of your troubles, or cut of the contact to someone, or to write a letter to someone you never usually write to, or to pay debts (both financial and emotional). Yes, it can be anything. Only you know what you need to do.

If you clean out the old baggage you will have the possibility to write new pages and chapters in the future!

Have a wonderful day!

/Carina

The fear of relapse

A lot of relatives fear that their loved one might relapse into addiction. It's easy to put up a lot of high expectations when someone's been sober/free of drugs for some weeks/months.

However, science shows that the odds of remaining abstinent rise if the person has been abstinent for 1 to 3 years. After 3 years, the recovery rate remains high. Therefore addiction requires an ongoing and active disease management strategy.

Source: NIDA (National Institute on Drug Abuse)

A relapse is often a part of the process of becoming sober and drug free. How can you as a relative protect yourself if an eventual relapse occurs? Think about what you have the power to change, but significantly, what you actually can't change. Don't forget that everything that has to do with your loved ones' addiction is not your responsibility! It's the liability and choices of the addict.

Read more on NIDAs website: 

http://www.drugabuse.gov/

Take care!

Self-Help Manual: To help you as an relative

Through the support of the book "Self-Help Manual For Relatives of Substance Abusers", the hope is for the reader to come closer to the goals and dreams that they have. The book provides the perspectives of the relative's situation, and contains self-help exercises for the reader. It is for those who want to start a gradual process to a larger well-being.  

These are some things that people have told me about how the self-help manual has helped them:

• "Before reading the book I didn't feel strong enough to tell my relative how i felt, but now I have the courage and the strength to bring up sensitive topics."
  
  

  "The exercises in this manual have made me understand some things about my own behavior, and about my relative who is a substance addict. It has made me think differently."

  "I have made a huge progress. My distress over my mothers substance abuse is all in all gone."

  "The manual is comforting and something that I can go back to and read whenever I want."
  "It has helped me understand more about my substance abusing relative, but also about my self and my own needs
  
  

  "The self-help manual feels like a trusted friend that I can come back to if I need to".

  "I'm not dwelling on things that have been as much anymore, the things I did wrong, what I could have done differently and so on.""I got a new picture of what I can change and what is my responsibility, and what isn’t. It has also changed the way I communicate with my relative with alcohol problems"

Read more about the self-help manual here.

Power vs. Powerlessness

In what area do you have power, and when are you powerless? 

This is a good question which we all have to think about some time in life. Because, a big step towards a happy life is to recognize our own powerlessness in the problems we cannot change. One example of this is another persons addiction, to try to exterminate an addiction which is not ours. In this we are powerless, it is only the addict who has the power to do this, it is the choice of the addict and the struggle of the addict, it is not our battle. 

However, we do have power over our own life. If we can see this, there will be an opportunity for us to show compassion for others in the same time as we know where the limits are for what we can/cannot change. If we can recognize our own power and powerlessness we will be able to put our thoughts and energy on the stuff that makes our own lives better!

Here are some other questions that you can think about! Choose one of the answers on each question and then look at your result.

1. Do you have thoughts like "he/she should not..." or do you say "you should..." to other people? 
Never 0 p             Sometimes 3 p              Often (largely every day) 5 p

2. Do you sometimes try to control the drinking/drug intake of the other person? For example, throwing away alcohol/pills, drink more for yourself so the other person drinks less etc. 
Never 0 p             Sometimes 3 p              Often (largely every day) 5 p

3.  Do you set up plans for another persons life? 
Never 0 p             Sometimes 3 p              Often (largely every day) 5 p

4. Are you disappointed/angry/sad when the person doesn't do what you've planned or thought?
Never 0 p             Sometimes 3 p              Often (largely every day) 5 p

5. Do you sometimes try to get it your way through threats, bribes or punishment?
Never 0 p             Sometimes 3 p              Often (largely every day) 5 p
 
6. Do you sometimes try to get it your way through nagging? 
Never 0 p             Sometimes 3 p              Often (largely every day) 5 p

7. Do you sometimes feel ashamed or guilty for someone else behavior? 
Never 0 p             Sometimes 3 p              Often (largely every day) 5 p

8. Do you sometimes wait for another person to make a decision before you make your own? 
Never 0 p             Sometimes 3 p              Often (largely every day) 5 p

9. Do you sometimes try and read someone else mind and think that you know what that person is thinking? 
Never 0 p             Sometimes 3 p              Often (largely every day) 5 p 

RESULTS

0-9 points It seems like your controlling behavior hasn't gained the upper hand. Maybe you have already worked a lot with yourself to let go of some of the control. Congratulations! You probably got the ability to quickly see what you have power over and where you are powerless, and you choose to put focus on the things that you actually can change! 

10-35 points There's probably some situations where you feel as you need to have control and some where you succeed to let it go. But it still affects you, and you may sometimes put your energy on thing that you cannot change. This sometimes makes you feel disappointing and bitter. Try to let go of the control in the areas where you're powerless and put your energy on the things that you can change!

36-79 points WARNING! I can almost promise that you will hit the wall (if you haven't already) if you keep it up like this. Be attentive to what your body tells you! Do you feel anxiety? Panic? Problems with your heart? Headache? Problems with sleeping? You seriously need to recognize your own powerlessness in some specific, and focus on what you actually can change. I also think that you may have to talk to someone. It might be good to contact a doctor or a therapist. I wish you all the power you need to deal with this!

Take care everyone!