Need a medicin for shame? Talk to someone you trust!

As a relative it's common to feel shame and guilt. Is it my fault that the alcoholic drinks? What could I've done differently? It's my failure that the person uses drugs. What would others think of me if they knew how things really are? What would other people say about me if they knew how I really have it at home?

Often we try to keep the problem as secret as possible.We think we're alone in this situation. That no one else would understand. That strengthens the shame. Dare to talk to someone! Choose a good friend, relative, therapist, go to open meetings at for example Alanon. There you will meet others with similar experiences. By talking to others the feeling of shame is reduced.You will probably also realize that many more people than you would have ever believed have experiences of the exact same problems as you.

Take courage and talk! You will probably meet more understanding than you would ever have guessed!

"Do you like this blog? Become a member or share it to others!"

Practical Tips to Help a Substance Abuse

If your family member is a substance abuser, it can make your life a living hell. If you are a parent, you lose your confidence, your hope in the future. You may believe that your kid’s drug habit is your fault. You feel guilty and ashamed. Above all, you feel powerless. You think that you failed your kid. You want to do something, but you do not know how.

If you are a partner or a child of a substance abuser, you never feel safe. You are maybe afraid that your family member may physically abuse you. Sometimes they might abuse you. When they are drunk, they are not themselves. As if they were not the loving, good person whom they once used to be. You barely can recall happier times when your parent or partner was sober and kind. Sometimes you just want to get rid of them. You want them to leave the family and move far away, you do not want to meet them ever again. When you have these thoughts, you feel terrible, because you gave up on your family member.

When you warn your family member that their substance abuse is not okay and they need treatment, they shrug it off. They say they do not need help, they just need another drink or some more “stuff”. When they are drunk or “high”, they are happy. They have an illusion of safety, confidence and having a good time. Their problems go away, or if they do not, they do not matter anymore. Substance abusers do not want to return to a harsh reality where they have to face challenges, depression, failures, consequences of their mistakes, and, of course, angry and estranged family members.

However, there are moments when they do know that they are addicts and they need help. When they open up about it, they may surprise you how clearly they can see their problem. They tell you that they know they should seek help, but they are afraid of going to a “rehab”. A “rehab” is something that many people with addiction dreads. Their addiction is how they escape stress, so, of course, they are afraid of mental and physical suffering. So, in a beat, they may snap back into their drug cravings. They do not change anything at all. You feel disappointed, furious and sad. After a while, you will never believe their promises that someday they will change. You think they are no-hopers. But remember that there is hope of recovery for everyone.

Tips to Help their Recovery

·      Educate yourself. Gather information. Learn about alcohol, different drugs, and their effects on substance abusers.

·      Do not blame yourself. It is natural that you cannot handle this rough and sensitive situation. It is a tough situation, even for professionals who hold a degree in dealing with substance abusers.

·      Tell your affected family member that you hope they will seek help. Tell them that you love them but you do not love what the drug does to them.

·      Do not blame your loved ones for their substance abuse. Do not nag at them, do not point out how they failed in life and how they make everyone’s life miserable. This is what every family member considers impossible. You cannot help blaming a substance abuser when they have outbursts, when they are a threat to your well-being. You do not have to tolerate their drug habits. Tell them that you still remember the good times, you remember who they are when they do not drink or use drugs. Let them know that you still love them. Encouraging, meaningful words help much more than calling your loved one a drunken pig.

·      “Helping them” does not mean that you should give them money to support their drug habits. Set boundaries and stick to them. You are not the one who should take care of the consequences. The person who created the problem should deal with the consequences. It makes them realize that their substance abuse is a big problem. Urge them to seek help.

Do you think this blog will help someone else? Please, share it!

Scientific research about children of alcoholics

This afternoon I'm studying for an exam in psychology. I'm reading about some discouraging but important research results about a correlation between alcoholism among parents and children having an increased tendency towards developing behavioural problems like anti-social behaviour. 

There also seems to be a connection between anti-social behaviour among children and parents suffering from depression.

Then I start to think that for a child to, for example, an alcoholic father, there is a risk that the mother also develops depression because of the alcohol problems in the family. And that mix leads to an increased risk for emotional and behavioural problems for the child.

Once again do we see how the whole family is affected by the fact that one person has an addiction problem. And therefore, the whole family needs help!

What is your opinion on this? Share your thoughts in the comments!

/Carina

”Do you like this blog? Become a member or share it to others!”