Changing one addiction for another

Getting rid of an addiction is not easy, but neither is staying sober. It is important to know that a bad habit easily can be replaced with another, and thinking about it, is it not that hard to figure out why: 

Addiction is usually a destructive behavior stemming from an inner emotional problem. Even if a person gets sober, he/she might still be suffering from the unresolved issue which caused the addiction in the first place. This may often lead to another addiction, and another one after that...

Michelle, 36, knows how it is to jump between different "obsessions", as she calls it. She recovered from an alcohol addiction about three years ago, but it only took five month for her to realize that she had replaced the alcohol for an obsession with food instead. She could go weeks without barely eating, whereupon she got the diagnosis anorexia. She explains how her sobriety didn't help her getting rid of the deep depression she had suffered from for many years.

It's good for a relative to know that a person whom has recovered from an addiction might be very vulnerable. When the person is deprived from the "solution" (such as alcohol or drugs) that has suppressed his/her problems for a long time, inner feelings may blow up, and the only thing that can overthrow them is another addiction.

How can one help a person who seems to relapse over and over again?

The most important thing is to look at the eventual psychiatric issues which might have caused the addiction in the first place. The addiction is not the only disease in the equation! One thing you can do as a relative is to talk to your close one about his/her feelings after his/her recovery. It might be a very good thing if the person has a close contact with a therapist/professional. Another thing which has proven to be effective is if the person talks to other people being in the same situation. A suggestion is going to support groups on a regular basis.

When Michelle was cured from her eating disorder, she started to look into her emotional issues. She understood that there was no other way for her to not fall back into another addiction. Today she explains how she's been sober for almost a year, which is the result of a lot of hard work in dealing with her depression. Beside from her own struggle, the most important part of the process was the support from her friends and family. "I know I did a lot of hard work", she says, "but I couldn't have done it without them". 
 

Do you want to read more about being a relative to a person suffering from addiction? Visit me on Facebook :)  

Take care! /Carina

Have you read the self-help manual?

Have you read "Self-help manual for relatives to substance abusers"?

It would be fantastic to hear your thoughts about it! Please give a review at Amazon! It'll help other relatives too! 

Click here to leave a review!

Thank you sooooo much!

Impossible?

7 warning signs of relapse!

Are you a relative of a person who has recently become sober, but constantly goes around and is afraid that he/she will fall back into the addiction?

You're not alone! In fact, the risk of relapse during the first 12 months is very common; approximately 64 percent. But it is important to know that it gets better with time. After about 3 years of sustained sobriety the risk of relapse decreases to about 14 percent!
  

 Some warning signs of relapse may be: 

 1. Extreme fatigue due to for example congestion. 

2. Dishonesty. The person is lying about, for example, what he/she has done or spent his/her money on.

3. Excessive self-confidence in her/his ability to stay sober. 

4. Unreasonable expectations of how others should think or be. 

5. He/she often becomes aggressive/angry without any cause. 

6. Depressed mood, which can be a signs of a "real" clinical depression. 

7. Unreasonably high expectations on him/herself, which often leads to disappointment when he/she does not achieve the goals.

If you as a family member notice these kind of change in the persons' behavior:  speak calmly about it and then listen to what she/he has to say/feel. Try to act before it is too late. The person may seek professional help from for example doctors, therapists or different treatment facilities.

The need for control

The need for control is common amongst relatives of people suffering from substance abuse. One might often become overconfident when it comes to controlling another person. 

The need for control may turn in to a kind of addiction of its own. If you feel as if you've lost the control, you may experience anxiety, palpitations, rapid breathing, etc. But once the "feeling of control" comes back, it may temporally reduce these negative feelings. This usually turns into an destructive spiral.
  

Do you recognize yourself? Read the questions below and think. 
Please write down your answers in the comments!
  
- In what kind of way are you trying to control the person suffering from drug- or alcohol abuse?
- How does these feelings/actions express themselves? 
- When do they take place? 
- What are you trying to gain? 
- How does the "behavior of control" make you feel? 
- What would happen if you let go of the "control"? How do you think it would make you feel? 
- What type of "behavior of control" would be easiest to let go of? 

Good luck with your exercise!
/Carina 

What do you carry on your back?

We all have emotions and memories that burdens our lives. It can be from the childhood, catastrophes, broken relationships and so on.

We store them in our minds so that they are not visible on our surface. We hide it well. But when someone wants to get closer to us and opens the door to our inner memories it will all come tumbling down.

Instead of treading on or walking around it, it might be time to clean out you inner emotions. Make a decision and throw away everything negative and never let it disturb you again, like ripping out the pages of a book.

You can turn this into a defined exercise if that will help you more. Take some post-it notes and a trash can. Write down one negative emotion/memory on each post-it note and throw them one by one in the trash can.

Some old dark clouds that roam in you present mind are harder to get rid of than others. Then you can write them down and also answer these questions:
*WHAT can I do to leave this behind?
*WHAT do I need to succeed with this?
*WHEN should I do it?

HOW you do it can vary greatly, anything from getting therapy-treatment, to talk to someone that might be one source of your troubles, or cut of the contact to someone, or to write a letter to someone you never usually write to, or to pay debts (both financial and emotional). Yes, it can be anything. Only you know what you need to do.

If you clean out the old baggage you will have the possibility to write new pages and chapters in the future!

Have a wonderful day!

/Carina

Fantastic review about the Self-help manual!

I visited addictionblog.org and found a fantastic and informative review about the Self-help manual for relatives of substance abusers!:  

"I believe that learning to say NO and letting go of control are the most valuable lessons that you’ll learn from this book. The big plus of this self-help manual is that it’s full with exercises rather than theory. Everything is put into practice! Also, the style is simple, and easy to understand.

Even though this book is an excellent guide to relatives of substance abusers, I’ll recommend that everyone interested in addiction recovery can read it. What I like the most about this self-help manual is that its exercises are applicable not only to families of substance abusers, but also in all fields in your life. As a teacher, I will definitely use some of the exercises into my classes."

HERE'S WHERE YOU CAN FIND THE BOOK. 

  

READ THE FULL REVIEW HERE.

New study about child exposure

This post is about a new study coming from my own country: Sweden. However, it may also be adaptable to all countries in the west, since our cultures in many ways are similar to one another, but more importantly, since all children living in families where abuse occurs are negatively affected.

As said, the study tells us how the outcome may look like for children living with parents suffering from drug- or alcohol addiction or mental illness. These children are forced to act like "parents", both to their siblings but also to their mother and/or father.

The result is pretty terrifying: Approximately 7 percent of the children in Sweden live under these circumstances. There is a huge risk that these children develop an addiction of their own when they've reached adolescence or adulthood. It is also more likely that they may suffer from mental illness later in their life, comparing to children growing up in non-destructive families.

No child should grow up with the burden of acting as a parent/guardian/caretaker to members of their own family. Children are suppose to be children, and in some cases, they need help in order to "accomplish" this (though it may sound strange and harsh to say). 

Needles to say, our society (social services, schools, day cares, welfare administrations and other friends and family members) have a great responsibility in helping children living under these circumstances. No child should be alone!

The study was published by Socialstyrelsen (Swedish National Board of Health and Welfare)

Attention!

Need a medicin for shame? Talk to someone you trust!

As a relative it's common to feel shame and guilt. Is it my fault that the alcoholic drinks? What could I've done differently? It's my failure that the person uses drugs. What would others think of me if they knew how things really are? What would other people say about me if they knew how I really have it at home?

Often we try to keep the problem as secret as possible.We think we're alone in this situation. That no one else would understand. That strengthens the shame. Dare to talk to someone! Choose a good friend, relative, therapist, go to open meetings at for example Alanon. There you will meet others with similar experiences. By talking to others the feeling of shame is reduced.You will probably also realize that many more people than you would have ever believed have experiences of the exact same problems as you.

Take courage and talk! You will probably meet more understanding than you would ever have guessed!

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